The cultivation of independence as early as possible to do good children early independence-ca1871

The cultivation of independence as early as possible to do well with children early independence "Mathematical Olympiad", "English textual research" the gradual cooling ability more and more parents begin to pay attention to the scores, more mother said firmly in the opposite direction, not on the outside class, the children must be early into the society, study hard…… But when mothers brag about their children’s independent abilities, is it possible to look inside and cultivate children’s independence? And let the children early independence, is another kind of spoil things by excessive enthusiasm? Media coverage of this news: one evening more than 7, on a bus in Chongqing, a 6 year old child with a 4 year old child, and no adults in the next. Bus staff did not dare to careless, the children were placed in the dispatch room. But the child is very calm, clearly told the staff, this is the fourth time with his brother to ride the bus, parents know. The child’s father then came, confirmed the statement of the child, and called himself "to exercise children’s independent ability."". Now there is a "education method" gradually popular, to cultivate children’s independence as early as possible. More young parents feel the only child "weak character" and "dependent" problems, hope the child exercise ability and quality, especially guard against the tendency itself and the elderly "spoiled, pampered". With the "Mathematical Olympiad", "English textual research" the gradual cooling ability more and more parents begin to pay attention to the scores, more mother said firmly in the opposite direction, not on the outside class, especially respected independent education, education of hardship, think this is the only way to cultivate talents. Whenever parents proudly declared, "my baby is born to sleep", "my children go to school from the shuttle", often get the envy of other parents eyes. But is that really all right? Lack of love of children, also can not give love to others, mother believes in "scientific feeding", never spoil children. Rui is 10 years old, and she has trained her daughter’s independence almost every way since her birth. Ruirui in infancy is alone in a bed, a small room; when hungry to drink milk, to want to buy a doll, to implement the "delay", no pleasure given; the primary school is grade one or two, Ruirui will cross the road to the small supermarket to home "soy sauce, learn from their own home – school is not near, have to transfer buses; a summer vacation is to Ruirui to participate in various training camps, or alone back to their villages, almost all day at home…… Gradually, with the growth of the age, Rui Rui at home is more and more unable to bear. A holiday to go out to play, once at home bored, as if unable to arrange every day. At the same time, the more difficult it is to get along with your mother when you are going to spend the holidays, which is easy to quarrel and cause conflict; when you go out together, Rui said, "I’m not going out with you alone."! A summer night, my mother want to walk with her daughter, Rui Rui mother repeatedly invited, but had to get up, but all the way wearing headphones to listen to music, walking in front of the mother two or three meters, always maintain a distance not far from the distance. "When you don’t accompany the child, the child also does not want to accompany you slowly"

培养独立能力要趁早吗 孩子过早独立好不好随着“奥数竞赛”、“英语考证”逐渐降温,越来越多的父母开始重视分数之外的能力培养,更有妈妈反其道行之,表示坚决不上课外班,孩子必须早点扔向社会,学习吃苦耐劳……但当妈妈们纷纷夸耀自己孩子的独立能力时,是否观察一下内心,培养孩子独立的初衷是怎样的?而让孩子过早独立,是否是另一种拔苗助长?媒体报道过这样一则新闻:一天傍晚7点多,在重庆的一路公交车上,一个6岁的孩子带着一个4岁的孩子,并没有大人在旁。公交车工作人员没敢大意,把孩子安置到了调度室。反倒是孩子十分淡定,清晰地告诉工作人员,这已经是自己第四次带着弟弟坐公交,父母都知道。孩子父亲随后赶来,证实了孩子的说法,并称自己是为了“锻炼孩子的独立能力”。现在有一种“教育方法”渐渐流行,培养孩子的独立性越早越好。更多年轻的父母感受到独生子女“性格脆弱”、“依赖性强”的毛病,希望孩子从小锻炼能力和素质,也特别警惕自身及家中老人“溺爱、娇惯”的倾向。随着“奥数竞赛”、“英语考证”逐渐降温,越来越多的父母开始重视分数之外的能力,更有妈妈反其道行之,表示坚决不上课外班,尤其推崇独立教育、吃苦教育,觉得这才是培养英才的必由之路。每当家长骄傲地宣称,“我家孩子一出生就自己睡”,“我家孩子上下学从不用接送”,往往会得到别的家长羡慕的眼神。不过,这样真的好吗?缺爱的孩子,也无法给别人爱蕊蕊妈妈信奉“科学喂养”,绝不溺爱孩子。蕊蕊今年10岁,几乎从一出生开始,她就用各种方法训练女儿的独立性。蕊蕊在婴儿期就是独自睡一张床,一个房间;从小时候饿了要喝奶,到长大了想买个娃娃,都要实行“延迟满足”,没有痛痛快快地给予过;小学一二年级,蕊蕊就要过马路去小超市给家里“打酱油”,自己上下学——学校离家并不近,需要换乘公交车;一放寒暑假,蕊蕊更是要参加各种训练营,或是单独送回农村老家,几乎一天都不在家待着……渐渐地,随着年龄的增长,蕊蕊在家也越来越待不住。一放假就想出去玩,一旦在家就百无聊赖,仿佛无法自主安排每一天。同时,越到假期,和妈妈的相处就变得越困难了,容易吵架,引发冲突;一块儿出门呢,蕊蕊说了:我就算一个人在家宅着也不跟你出去!一个夏日的晚上,妈妈想跟女儿散步,蕊蕊拗不过妈妈反复邀请,只好起身,但一路戴着大耳机听音乐,走在妈妈前方两三米处,始终保持着不远不近的距离。“当你不陪孩子的时候,孩子慢慢也就不想陪你了。”儿童教育专家、《好妈妈胜过好老师》作者尹建莉说,“儿童的一切都是在模仿成人,父母怎样对他,她也怎样对待别人。一个人不可能给出自己没有的东西,从小缺爱的孩子怎么给别人爱?”多年培养的结果,蕊蕊的自理能力非常强,也显得比一般孩子成熟,和同班女生玩不到一块儿,只是入迷地玩iPad,或者看电视综艺节目。她关注的话题也比较成熟,当其他小女孩还在关心童话里的王子公主,她会问妈妈的同事:“如果你公婆春节要来你家过年,你是不是觉得特别难熬”?有时候,蕊蕊的表现还让人吓一跳。她去同学家玩,问同学妈妈“你家WiFi密码多少”,这妈妈一时没想起来,蕊蕊说“你为什么就不愿意告诉我呢”,眼神里摆明了不信任。尹建莉说:“过早独立的孩子往往早早丧失了童真。也许家庭经济环境不错,但家长人为制造了复杂的生存环境,迫使孩子早早成熟。就像在丛林中独立生活的小动物,需要时时保护好自己,缺乏安全感,敏感多疑。”过早训练孩子独立是披着爱的外衣的占有和控制阳阳是个女孩,今年刚上一年级,虽然身高比同龄人矮上10厘米,但气势从来不输人。小时候,阳阳想跟妈妈在一个床上睡,不行,妈妈甚至无视阳阳的哭泣,哭到半夜都不行。渐渐地,阳阳不哭了,变得越来越“强大”。从上幼儿园开始,阳阳就表现出极强的控制欲,“你一定要跟我玩,不许跟别人玩”。如果不跟她玩,就可能发生打架事件。放学时,其他小朋友都牵着爸爸妈妈的手回家,只有她背着一个超过她身形的大书包,独自走在回家的路上,斜阳下的身影显得格外高大。尹建莉说:“这些家长表面上没有溺爱孩子,但其实和溺爱的家长一样,是披着爱的外衣的占有和控制,是成人按照自己的意志去管理孩子。”孩子妈妈无视孩子的需求,就是在控制孩子,是用强权手段达成的。自然的,孩子从妈妈身上也学到了控制。这样的孩子往往陷于自卑,而自卑的孩子一旦发现自己能够控制别人,就能在控制中找到自我价值,陶醉其中。其实,阳阳妈妈这么做也有苦衷。阳阳有一个患自闭症的哥哥,妈妈希望女儿长大后还能肩负照顾哥哥的重任,所以想把女儿培养得很强大。有一年暑假,妈妈特地把才四岁的阳阳送到一个军事化训练的夏令营,每天让孩子自己叠被子、吃饭、洗澡,甚至剪头发。开学后,当阳阳顶着一个怪怪的刘海去幼儿园时,妈妈特别骄傲地跟其他家长说:“这是我女儿自己剪的。”但妈妈不知道的是,阳阳不合群,经常郁郁寡欢地在幼儿园的草地上,把小昆虫埋进土里。“这样的家长太急于把孩子训练成社会人,潜意识中是在推卸自己的责任,要把孩子推向社会。”尹建莉说,“古今中外在教育问题上,总是有太多反自然反天性的事。成人无视儿童的自然需求,不断把某种基于社会需求的设计强加到孩子头上。在孩子幼年时期就急于去发展他的社会属性,拔苗助长。”“过早训练孩子独立,最多只是让他看上去获得了小小的生活能力和生存技巧。家长的短见之一是喜欢根据外部的、可见的、可量化的东西来衡量自己的行为,而忽略孩子内心的感受。觉得孩子今天不高兴了,明天就会好。但其实坏情绪就像慢性中毒,会在孩子体内积淀,成为一种病灶。”孩子只需要爱,不需要别的在一次周末聚会中,尹建莉遇到过一对父母,在儿子3岁的时候就把他送到了一所全托的幼儿园,一周或者两周才接回家一次。父母非常满意,说孩子会自己洗袜子内裤,睡觉起床都很自觉。在聚会中,孩子也的确看起来十分聪慧乖巧,坐在妈妈身边默默吃饭。但突然,孩子“哇”地一声哭了出来,显得十分伤心。平息后才知,妈妈一直给孩子夹虾仁,他以为故意不让他吃喜欢的腰果,所以大哭,怎么安慰也没用。尹建莉说:“看得出,孩子内心有强烈的不安全感。父母和孩子缺少相处的长度和频次,彼此间的情感联结就会比较稀疏,爱的浓度和质量就不会高。”一本名叫《会做饭的孩子走到哪里都能活下去》的日本畅销书曾经风靡一时。该书作者是一个日本家庭,妈妈千惠在女儿阿花5岁时因癌症离开人世,在她得知自己即将不治的时候,教会了女儿做饭、洗衣和洒扫等家务活,然后“死而无憾”。因为母爱、萌娃等元素,在社交媒体上赚足了眼泪。但尹建莉自始至终都在想一个问题:一个四五岁的孩子还非常弱小,如果妈妈真的得了癌症,难道不是应该教爸爸怎么照顾孩子,或者找一个好的监护人?妈妈教会孩子做饭,是打算让这个孩子孤立生活,在她去世后就天天给自己做饭吗?尹建莉说:“这是把短见和矫情当成好事来宣扬。妈妈最多培养了一个好的家庭主妇,却没有站在一个孩子的角度考虑问题。孩子只需要爱,不需要别的。”尹建莉强调,人的基因里潜藏着要独立的愿望,这是人的天性,不用担心孩子不愿意独立;相反,不能独立的孩子往往是由于早期错误的教育。“就像奥数训练,本身是中性的,但如果孩子不喜欢奥数,非得训练就是错的。种种培养孩子独立的方式也是如此。比如夏令营,孩子乐意参加就好,可以过一过集体生活,交交朋友,但如果把夏令营的训练当成目的,引起孩子的痛苦就适得其反。衡量标准,就是孩子喜不喜欢。”相关的主题文章: